I can only be a better me than yesterday

I'm strong... But I have weak moments.

I'm beautiful... And a little insecure.

I don't 'need' you... I 'want' you.

I'm outspoken... Yet shy.

I'm independent... But I don't want to be alone.

I will tell you one thing.. Just to see what decision you make on your own.

I'm a lover... And a bigger fighter.

I'm stubborn... But I will compromise.

I'm wise... Yet naive.

I'm passionate... But at times frigid.

I will forgive... But never forget.

I am proud... Yet humble. 

I'm complicated... Yet straightforward.

I don't want to be heard... I want to be understood.

I am me. I'm not perfect. But I am worth something. <3

My top 10 life lessons: Love, Life, and Committed Relationships.

1. To experience true love is always beautiful. - There is nothing in the world that compares connecting with another human being, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

2. If you don't communicate you will never get anywhere.

3. Compromise - There is nothing more rewarding than knowing the happiness of the one you love is essential to your own happiness.

4. Love can be a rough road at times. There are going to be trials... The best way to handle the situation is to take a step back... Breath... And re-focus.

5. Anti-depressants - worst idea ever for me. I'm finally on my last day of getting off of them and I already feel like my head is a bit clearer.

6. If you don't love yourself how can you expect other people to love you. - as my therapist says... "Be kind to yourself" - your human, we all make mistakes, we all learn as we go. Always love yourself first.

7. Forgiveness is the key. - Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You can't take them back. You can only learn from them and grow from them. Just the same, forgive others for their mistakes.

8. Holding a grudge will do nothing but cause more pain, hurt, and suffering. Let. That. Shit. Go.

9. Chances are if you feel lonely in life (or in love) the first place you need to look is within yourself.

10. Life tests are temporary. You don't get to pick the hand your given. But you do get to play the cards you have.

Turning point.

I've been alone for 3 hours just listening to music. Not thinking. Just getting lost in the lyrics in each song. Some sad songs, some angry songs, some happy songs. All emotions I feel daily. I feel that I am at peace with being alone most nights. I'm learning to find my smile in my own ways. I'm ready to let go of the pain, anger, and hurt. I'm ready to forgive myself for my part in the downfall. For me to do that I have to begin to pave my own path. Let go of everything completely, take a deep breath and 100% give everything to fate. I'm laying down my armor. It's time to find my inner self. Find out who Sam is now. Deal with how much I have changed as a person. How much cancer changed me and effected my outlook on life. Life is so short and tomorrow is never promised. Everyday that I am not smiling and being happy is a day I'm never going to get back. Too many days are passing with anger and tears. It's only spinning me in circles. I'm too dizzy to stay on this path.

I've reached the top of the hole... The sun is beating down on my skins Time to pick up that ax and start paving that new path. The path that is filled with self realization that only I define who I am. Only I know who I am. Only I can make myself happy. I have so much love to give. I'm ready to give that love to someone who wants just as much back.... Myself. I'm so proud of the person I have become. I've worked hard to come this far. I've got my dream job... I live in the beautiful mountains of western NC. And my biggest accomplishment is fighting for my life with everything I have. I find joy in helping other people be, and stay inspired. I have come so far in this life of mine. I am at peace with who I am.

Too many times I see and hear people settle for less than they deserve. I have a wild imagination. I have big dreams. In my mind life is just like a fairy tale. I'm a princess. I give love and I give life to others. I have this ability to change peoples life's. I will take a lost soul, show them love, unconditional love, help them find their direction in life. And just like some fairy tales you have to set them free. There is another lost soul in need.... Mine. It's time for me to heal myself. Only because I deserve nothing else. I've watched people love me over the years and I want to feel all that same love within my own soul.